Lets have a chat

I am not hard to understand, at least I don't think so.  I am still a few years away from 50, but still see myself as a 26 year old.  You thought I was going to say a teenager?   hell no, I wouldn't want to go through that again.  I didn't do well in school, not that I am (or was) dumb but didn't apply myself.  Because I hated school, going to college was not an option.   I was pretty reserved, even shy when growing up. I didn't have a lot of social skills and had few friends

I met Beth through one of those few friends.  Those were the happiest times in my life, I still think back and smile.  Beth made me feel good about myself, and I quickly fell in love with her.  We dated for several years, then I asked her to marry me.  Thankfully she said yes!  We were married October 27th, 1990, I was 26 years old and Beth was 23.  The quintessential young couple struggling to make it.  I believe we struggled far too much, those hard times we are supposed to be laughing about now are still around.  We didn't have a lot of money, so we didn't do much.  We hardly ever took vacations and always had to strain to make ends meet.  I think that's coming back to haunt us. 

I tried several jobs before I found one that provided me with a decent income with the skill set I had. I started working at Firestone as a service advisor.  Beth had started college but didn't finish.  I always thought I was somehow responsible that she quit, couldn't tell you why however.  She got a pretty good job at George Watts and Son as an assistant to the buyer.  She worked there for several years.  I was promoted to Store Manager after some years, and I was sent to the Firestone training center in Indiana for a 2 week Manager training class.  It was there that Beth called me and told me she had something important to tell me.  She wanted to tell me when I get back but I kept asking, I was going to be a father!

I was shocked, I never thought of myself as a dad.  Beth asked how I was, I told her I was happy.  I was also very concerned,  I am going to be a dad. We had a boy, and I made many mistakes as a new father.  Some of those mistakes make me cry when I think about them.  I could only hope my son wouldn't be as screwed up as I was.  Every parent wants their children to be happy and successful.  I didn't know if I had the ability and patience to be a good father.  We later had a daughter, and I had some practice being a father but still had the lions share of mistakes.  I can only hope they are emotionally equipped for the harshness world. 

As a family we still took few vacations, and didn't do a lot of family things.  I fear that our legacy will not be an exemplary one.  Our children are nearly grown, and I truly hope they are happy.  As for Beth and I, we are still struggling.  Our marriage has been so full of problems and stress I pray Beth is willing to stay with me.  I was (am) not the worlds greatest husband.  I need to talk to her more, let her know how I feel.  Let her know I love her more than anything and that I see her as the beautiful girl I fell in love with or she will be gone from my life forever.   This is me in a few paragraphs, some happiness and some hardship, and a hope for a happy future.